Easy. Just shake your phone.

I just tried a dating app called Bumble, which has a couple very unique features. One of which heals bee stings. Well, kinda.

1. Time machine swipe.

If I ever found myself swiping too quickly and accidently left swiped on Heidi Klum (she’s on Bumble), then I could simply shake my phone to “undo” that mistake. She’d reappear on my screen, I’d give her the ol’ rightswipe, and before you know it, me and Heidi are off vacationing in the South of France.

2. Ladies first.

I’ve noticed that the girls on Bumble are actually better looking. Naturally, this puts more pressure on me to make a move after we’ve matched. But wait. Hold up. Stop right there. Hold ze phone. On Bumble, the girl is required to message the guy first. Bam. Sigh of relief if you’re one of the guys, like me, that sucks at opening lines.

I’m riding a buzz after trying Bumble for the first time. But what I really want to talk about is how I sometimes choose to go into these digital dates completely blind. I don’t mean to say I’m wearing a bandana over my eyes during these dates. I mean that, occasionally, I choose not to do my research before a date. I don’t look her up on Facebook and examine our mutual friends. I don’t give her a LinkedIn search to see if she’s a billionaire CEO. Although, I would assume she would be like Heidi in that case...not on Bumble.

Why go blind? All this technology allows me to know too damn much. If a girl I match with has a mutual friend that I consider to be more evil than winter, then it completely changes my impression of her before we’ve even met. I want to give everyone a fair first chance. When I first downloaded apps like Bumble, I was going in with an open mind. It’s only fair that it stays open. Otherwise, I might just end up single forever. And that’s no bueno.

All these dates have me thinking...why go on dates? Shouldn’t I just try to meet people in the wild? App dating can feel so forced. But turning off my phone and trying to hop on a train to a faraway land where attractive, single girls roam free isn’t going to happen. If that place existed, it would be a long train ride. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Not to mention the price of a train ticket would be more than I can afford. Ain’t nobody got money for that.

That’s why I resort to digital dating. When I get home late from work, I feel guilty knowing that I’ve done almost nothing to find “the one.” Sure, I’m focused on my career, which is important. But finding a significant other should be just as, if not more, important. Spending your time - and money - alone feels much worse than if it were with, or on, the person you love.

I’m thinking of turning off apps like Bumble and Tinder for a while. Maybe even Facebook. Who knows? I’m feelin’ crazy. Maybe that’s what I need to find the right someone. Maybe going digitally blind temporarily is the answer. I’m sure it’ll feel a bit like a bee sting at first, but at least the bee will be dead and I’ll feel more alive than ever.