That’s right, nothing can stop the digital dating monster now! UberPool will soon replace Tinder as the number one way for guys to creepily hit on girls. Twisted pick up lines sound even more suave when muffled by a 15-year-old Prius FM radio. Is the discounted taxi fare really worth being asked repeatedly how much it hurt to “fall out of heaven?"

The real question is whether or not UberPool can be used to meet that special someone. Might uber really be trying to blend transportation with the eternal search for love? I guess it depends what city you live in. Love can take time. More traffic means a higher chance of eloping before arriving at your destination.

Let’s explore how UberPool would likely fare as a digital dating avenue in these different US cities.

New York

Finding love in The Big Apple - or any apple - is a process. There’s a high trust barrier over which you have to leap, climb, scratch, and die to find “the one.” Sound tiring? It’s like CrossFit, but you talk about it even more.

There are already more cabs than people so why would you take an uber in the first place? Combined with New York’s high trust barrier, you might as well start investing in real estate on Mars as an income generator. Chances of UberPool love in this city are just as likely to materialize.

New York: Not in this life. Know what I’m talkin' about?

Chicago

<3 Deep dish.

How else are you going to get to and from Giordano’s? Leaving that bistro with a set of food baby twins pretty much requires an uber. Any physical exertion after such a feast would likely result in death or worse. So don’t die, take an UberPool.

Chicagoans, in comparison to New Yorkers, are approachable. They won’t bite your head off when you say that the Yankees aren’t having a great season. Unless your head is layered with three inches of mozzarella.

Approachability is the number one reason UberPool love could transpire in the Windy City. Just don’t open Tinder after deep dish. Your UberPool date will be bound to fail. Greasy finger rightswipes never work out.

Chicago: It could work. Da Bears.

Los Angeles

So you just called an UberPool to take you to James Franco’s End of the World party. First off, I’m jealous that you’re going to see Michael Cera get stabbed through the heart with a streetlight.

“Traffic is fun in LA,” said nobody. LA’s traffic has officially been voted as the eighth wonder of the world. You heard it here first.

Silver lining: Traffic means more time in the car. More time in an UberPool means more time to conjure an endless romantic relationship with pooled riders. I’m almost positive the “Black Ice” scent of every uber has an aphrodisiac effect. Prepare to sniff and be loved.

LA: Who cares? Party at Franco’s!

Boston

It’s hahd to pahk ya cah in the city of Bahston → It’s hard to park your car in the city of Boston.

You’re not the only one that needs a Boston to English dictionary. The accent is about as easy to understand as Beantown’s overall urban design. Thankfully, there’s Uber.

UberPool is relatively new to Bostonians. While they’re loving the cheap rides to the Harbor, are they falling in love with each other within the uber’s four doors? That would be more clutch than Big Papi in the World Series.

Key note: Bostonians aren’t approachable. Especially if you’re wearing pinstripes, not rooting the home team, or mentioning Roger Goodell without alluding to the fact that he’s the spawn of Satan. Boston lives, breathes, dies, and resurrects sports.

If both riders are wearing a Brady jersey, maybe UberPool love could happen. Otherwise, you have a better shot at A-Rod getting a standing ovation at Fenway.

Boston: Epic fail. #FreedBrady

Miami

Does love even exist in Miami? Other than everyone being in love with their body...not really.

With no true public transportation, Miami is a prime candidate for Uber. Yes, the city has buses. So did my elementary school. I wouldn’t want to take a ride from North Beach to South Beach with Ms. Frizzle as my driver. We all remember Magic School bus, right?

Miami is a clear business winner for Uber. Pure transportation services, not love, will be what Miamians get from UberPool.

Miami: Put it were the sun don't shine.

So there you have it. Of course, these are just opinions and you can find love anywhere at any moment. Either way, I would recommend picking a destination other than the Chapel O’ Love.