Obviously, the guy needs to message the girl first...right? Does that rule really apply to the digital world like it did to the pre-smartphone era? Yes. Yes, it does. FOLLOW THE RULES.

Here are a few of the more awkward things I’ve encountered with starting the conversation. Notice I only said “a few” because the list is infinite..and ain’t nobody got time for that.

Texting is nobody’s first language.

Some people don’t know how to text. Everyone else is chronically lying to themselves. Pre-smartphone era, we’d call. Maybe you’d vent about how your boss clips his toenails under his desk. Or you might even mention that your cubicle neighbor has coffee breath that smells worse than used shoulder pads that were cleaned with skunk soap. They sell it at Bath & Body Works. The point is that a phone call gives you a much more personal touch. Hearing the person’s voice before going on a first date can, well, confirm things. I’m not a judger, but when I meet a girl at a bar and she sounds like King Kong with emphysema, it’s a slight turn off.

So don’t worry if texting isn’t your thing. It’s nobody else’s either.

Creeping on social media. #Research

Luck favors the prepared. If Tinder gives me your full name, I’m gonna look you up. Facebook is two clicks away on my iPhone. LinkedIn and Twitter aren’t much further. Yes, LinkedIn. Sometimes I want to know if the girl I’m about to meet has cool professional abilities. Blindly rightswiping definitely counts as an endorsable LinkedIn skill.

In the social media day and age, there’s no hiding. If you’re Tinder picture has you looking like Heidi Klum, but your Facebook is a belfie (butt selfie), we might have problems. Unless it’s Heidi’s rear end.

Funneling conversation down to the “wanna grab drinks” question.

This is where a successful conversation should go. Whether it’s Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, or in person, ensuring your next meetup is penciled in is key. In my experience, humor is the way to get there. Nothing makes a trust barrier come down (and stay down) than incessant laughter. Make ‘em laugh, make ‘em like.

I find one of the hardest things is being comfortable with the fact that you technically met online. No, it’s not like you went to OkCupid.com to soul search for each other, but using an app to find love still counts as “online.” The problem is that meeting online is not traditional. The other problem is that people are judgers. Just like how I judged the King Kong smoker girl. While most people have a friend or two or 20 that have found love “online,” it’s still the minority when it comes to finding that significant someone.

According to Pew Research Center, just 5% of American’s that are in a committed relationship say they met their special someone online.

So don’t worry. Just because your Hinge game isn’t on point doesn’t mean that you’re destined to be Emily Dickinson level lonely forever. Besides, there’s always FarmersOnly.com. Grow a carrot with your future wife. Now try explaining the origins of that relationship to your friends.