I knew it was time to address how this was being navigated. Between the two of them, there were four young children, and obviously I had concerns in making sure everyone was ok in this transition. So I arranged to meet with Brendan and Jean to discuss. At Starbucks, no less. I mean, isn’t that where all great conversations go down?! This face-to-face wasn’t easy for me, but I knew it was important. If the two of them were going to be in my kids' lives, we had better put up a unified front. But I needed to get a few things straight first.

It was awkward to say the least. Given our past relationship, Jean arrived already on the defensive. So I sat them down and talked to the two of them like they were little children, carefully and concisely. I voiced my concerns for the well-being of the kids. I needed reassurance that they would prioritize the children when they were in their care. I expressed my concerns about the blending of two families, given how accelerated their relationship timeline was. There was really no delicate way to tiptoe around that one—I needed to know that this relationship was actually going somewhere.

They hadn’t been together that long, but they had jumped in with both feet. Given all the changes that Jean put herself through physically for Brendan, and knowing Brendan’s great wanderlust, this screamed 'rebound' to me. I really had to dig deep to remain diplomatic. There was a dominant part of me that just wanted to bitch slap them both across the face and say, “Seriously? Get a grip—what is wrong with you both!” But obviously, the rational side of me knew that would be counter-productive. SO I stayed on course with the goal of expressing my concerns for our collective offspring. And finally, I told them that while I didn’t have any respect for how they handled this relationship (Jean looked at Brendan on that one, like he should come to their defense; but he remained silent. He knew better.), I would remain steadfast in my respect for the both of them in front of the kids. And I wanted the same in return from them. The kids did not need to bear any burden on these adult-only relationship issues. I wanted them happy, well-adjusted, and weight-free in the wake of the divorce. That was my mantra, and I would sell my soul to the devil to make sure the kids weren’t any the wiser.

Brendan and Jean swore up and down that their relationship was real. They were committed, and they “always wanted a big family." They told me that they would remain respectful of the family dynamics we have and would do everything to make sure the kids wee comfortable. They looked me square in the eye and gave me all the assurances I had wanted to hear. I felt better. With me, word is bond. If you look me in the eye and tell me your truth, I will hold you to that.

Slip-up on my part? Duh. I had forgotten with whom I was dealing.