and I think I need to turn the tables a bit and call out my usual day-to-day, because it’s in general pretty funny.

One of the issues in my house as of late has been the full-on emergence of the pre-teen boy. Have I ever mentioned that G is 12? He’ll be officially a (gulp) teen in August. And we’re there -- hair, deeper voice, eye rolling and all. Which in and of itself is pretty funny, but there is one issue of late that brings tears to my eyes. Literally. It’s the farting.

I actually hate the word “fart”. It sounds so crass, but honestly, there is no delicate “toot” or “passing gas” way to explain what is going on here. It’s a full on toxic. And what made me write about it was the incident that happened last night. G was standing in the kitchen and this sound came out of him that was part fog horn part shuttle launch. It was SO loud. I immediately turned to face him, and he had this twisted look on his face, “That HURT!” I think I almost fell over laughing. I mean, how could it not hurt? There was jet propulsion, I swear.

I feel like the pre-teen reality has taken farting to a whole new level. I talk to him about how to “take that business” out of the room, how the car with the windows rolled up is NOT the place to share, nor is the bed under the covers, nor on an airplane, and how, in general, he should try to keep that business private.

I am completely ineffective. A total parenting fail on my part.

He has shown no restraint, and shows no embarrassment in letting it go wherever it happens. Even his 9-year-old sister gets in on the commenting, “Wow G, that one sounded like it was a floopie!” (Part fart/ part poop for those who do not know this technical term).

I am so proud.

Last week we were in the grocery store and G was in the aisle ahead of me. I turned the corner and was accosted by a smell that would have made vultures circle in enthusiasm. I glared at G who just smirked, and I immediately sprinted out of the aisle. “Mum, Mum, wait, wait! It just totally slipped out.” Slipped out? The store lifted off the foundation. Did you seriously not know that was coming?

When it happens in public, it’s mortifying on so many levels. It would be nice if we could contain this to the privacy of our own home. I am hoping that my constant reminding and perhaps a little maturity will change that. But at the end of the day, I have to remember that it’s just a fart. I know in the grand scheme of our lives there are bigger fish to fry, I just wish this fish didn’t smell so foul.