After all, it was convenient for him. I really tried to be as communicative as possible regarding what was happening in the lives of the kids. I shared photos, updates from school, details on games etc. I tried to keep him up to snuff on their lives as much as possible. But after a few years and a series of dick moves on Brendan’s part, I kind of decided to just stop sharing. (I didn’t need to be that dedicated if he was going to continually mistreat me. I mean seriously, WTF?) Then the oddest thing happened.

Brendan didn’t even notice.

It never occurred to me he wouldn’t be interested in the first place. It’s odd and frankly totally to my benefit, but Brendan seems really happy to be peripherally involved in the lives of his kids. I think because he doesn’t live here, it affords him all sort of justification for his lack of involvement. He really doesn’t know what they are doing in school beyond his 30 second-long “How’s School going?” weekly ask. The standard reply is “Good!” LOL. Informative. Heck, he doesn’t even know the names of the kids’ teachers. He’s never even bothered to ask about a report card, or a health check up or anything of real relevance. He is vacation dad, fun dad; and he is good at that role, so I am happy to let him be that for the kids.

I honestly can’t say I understand it.

But on the flip side, it works for the kids. I mean, believe me, if I had a choice I would love for him to be a super-involved and interested father. But you have to make sunshine where you can, and it’s honestly so much easier to manage their expectations of him. They don’t anticipate his everyday involvement, so any effort he shows is appreciated. It helps to keep things light. And Brendan is good with light. The tough work reality stuff is not his specialty. And really, he can’t disappoint them as much as he could if he lived close and continually failed to meet those expectations. So yeah, it works.

Sure, that means I get to haul the load. I have to be the bad guy and the disciplinarian, and the nurse and the teacher and the chauffeur and the house manager and the breadwinner etc. It’s not so easy, and it is often times stressful. But I also get all those goofy giggles, evening snuggles, dinner-time conversations, impromptu dance parties, post-game hugs, knowing glances, silly secrets and an extremely close relationship with my kids. I get to be both Mom and a Dad rolled into one. And I wouldn’t trade that for all the gold in the world.

And as we face Thanksgiving, I am so incredibly thankful for that. I am thankful for the life the kids and I have. I am thankful that we’ve found a groove, strange as it may be.

I'm feeling pretty groovy.