But it’s the truth.

While the kids missed their father and felt a loss in his absence, there was this palpable calm that surrounded us. When he left, the drama left with him. I think the stability I had fought so hard to provide for the kids now fully embraced them, and they could finally relax and find security in the routine of our daily lives. We had built a life for ourselves.

Figuring out a comfortable place for Brendan in that equation was not as easy. Brendan made it pretty clear that his visitations were going to be sporadic and at his whim. In other words, when it was convenient for him. I tried to set communication parameters so we could best accommodate him, but he continually violated them. He expected our world to stop when he decided to visit. Don’t get me wrong. I wanted the kids to be able to visit with him as much as possible whenever he came to town because they deserved a relationship with their father. I desperately wanted him to have a role in their lives. But in a world filled with hockey, football, lacrosse, dance, gymnastics, acting, play dates and birthday parties, sometimes our schedules would conflict. I mean seriously. Life happens, what could I do?

There was one time when Brendan decided he was coming to town last minute, only to be met with the reality that we just couldn’t drop all of our weekend commitments to accommodate him. The kids were available only one evening out of the two. Well, he lost it. The verbal lashing started with, “LET ME TELL YOU JENNIFER HOW THIS IS GOING TO GO…….”. Fortunately I learned a long time ago not to engage. But I certainly didn’t have listen to it either, as we were well-divorced that that point. I told him that he couldn’t be talking to me with that tone, or I would be ending the conversation. In true Brendan form, he started in again, and so I simply hung up. He called back multiple times and I just let it go to voicemail. It’s not worth the angst. Finally he left a voicemail, which was classic. “JENNIFER, YOU WILL NOT ONLY LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY, BUT WHEN I DECIDE TO COME TO TOWN YOU AND THE KIDS WILL ROLL OUT THE RED CARPET FOR ME. YOU WILL DROP EVERYTHING FOR ME.”

Well sound the trumpets!!! Hahahaha. That was a good giggle. Ass.

Needless to say, there was no fanfare for his visit. I explained to him that red carpet treatment required advance notice. If he could not manage to plan in advance, then he would get whatever we could manage. (And tough shit and go fuck yourself, which I didn’t say, but was seriously thinking). Truth be told, we were flying without a net in regards to our parenting plan. I wanted to work with Brendan, but under no circumstances was I going to take his crazy shit. He could just stick that in his trumpet and smoke it.