Last week I mentioned that friendships take on greater roles in your life when you're single. Sometimes, when your friends suddenly become single, you hardly notice because they maintained an active relationship with you while they lived in partnered bliss. Others appear like they just finished a Peace Corps assignment in a far off land. They’re the ones who disappear when they get a girlfriend or boyfriend. When they resurface you already know, without asking, why they’ve once again become a regular at get-togethers.

Regardless of where they are or where they have been, your friends are the people that fill any voids created by your lack of a romantic relationship. They are your “sounding board,” your “confidante,” your “dinner and a movie” date and your go-to “I need to get out, let’s grab a drink” partners in crime. In some cases they’ll even fill the void with “benefits (I’ll write about the this another time).”

Your friendships require the same maintenance efforts as that of a boyfriend or girlfriend. There must be mutual respect, trust and loyalty. There must be compromise and empathy. There must be support for one another. Sometimes you don’t get all the things you need from one friend. In fact, they are cobbled together from multiple friends.

Some friendships, even some long-term ones, will occasionally stress you out. Call it a “misalignment of the stars.” They may be going through something that throws your friendship into disarray. These things usually pass and right themselves as the instigation dissipates. This may even be a time when being a friend to them is most important. And if it doesn’t change, most likely you distance yourself. You remain friends but their role in your life decreases.

I’ve come to learn that each of my friends play distinctive roles in my life. They may not check all the boxes on the girlfriend “Do they…” list, but they fill many. I believe, over the years, we’ve come to a mutual if unspoken understanding. We’ve grown together. And though we’ve probably never have or will talk about it, we’ve realized the strengths and weaknesses of our friendships and the things that we provide to each other. Of course, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to provide them with the limits of your capabilities.

Perhaps you’ll find that certain someone with whom you want to spend the rest of your life. Your lover and best friend. However, we all know the reality that boyfriends, girlfriends, and even husbands and wives, may come and go. If you continually nurture your current friendships, you may realize that the lack of a romantic relationship doesn't create such a big void after all. You’ll realize you’re always in fulfilling relationships, with a bunch of best friends. And that in itself may be more than enough.