I took an online personality test. And now I know who I am. The internet gets me. Or should I say, it “intergets” me. It labeled me as an ENFP, which, apparently, is not a pronounceable word. Don’t try it at home.

Whenever I take one of these online tests, it feels like each word of the result is shockingly accurate. For example, here’s what it told me about my romantic relationships:

ENFPs go all-in with their relationships, and if they fall apart despite their efforts, they can end up plagued with questions about why the relationship failed and what they could have done differently – without a buoy, these thoughts can crush ENFPs' self-esteem as they sink into depression. It's important for ENFP personalities, as with anyone, to remember that relationships are in all ways mutual – mutual interest, mutual growth, and mutual responsibility – and they can't be solely accountable.

Hot damn. That’s me. It’s so true that it hurts.

How can the internet figure me out with a series of questions, but I can’t figure myself out with a series (26 to be exact) of years?

Maybe I should just date the internet. It could be beautiful. She has all the knowledge about my demographic. Based on my cookies, she knows how I almost never eat cookies. And she understands why I choose to live relatively cookie-less (I’m a fitness fanatic). She knows my WebMD history, which is heart shattering in more ways than one. Not to mention she definitely scans the Websites-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named to learn the world’s most insane sex positions.

Yup, I’m going to date La Internet.

When we’re ready to tie the knot, I’ll trim an ethernet cord to just the right size to fit around her ring finger. I’ll get down on one knee with my laptop open and queued up to the Best Buy homepage. And she’ll say “yes” in 75 different languages as well as in binary so her technological relatives can get the message loud and textually clear.

Similar to other girls, every month something terrible will happen. We won’t be able to reconcile any of our arguments. She’ll have poor wifi connections (mood swings) and her battery will drain quicker than normal (exhaustion). During these times I’ll be forced to use the iPad in a lonely, late night environment (sleep on the couch).

I’m convinced she’s “the one.” However, she’ll be a tough one to lock down since she’s a woman of so many different addresses.

I guess finding love is never easy.