By 
Brendan continued to struggle on the job front, and it turned into a blatant disregard for any responsibilities he might have for the family. As fate would have it, the company at which I had been working for a decade decided to close its doors, and I found myself having to search for something new. When I discussed what had happened with Brendan, he literally up and left his job the next day.
I was shocked. I asked him why he would do that, given I was now in the job search. His response was he “just didn’t like the job”. I immediately started calling contacts I knew in Boston and started the interview process. Then I stopped, because I realized I was enabling his behavior. And while I struggled with the fine line of loving him and wanting him happy, I had to go the tough love route. I told him that he needed to participate in the success of this family, to be part of the solution by finding a job, and actually trying to keep that job. I’d love to say we were made of money, but the reality of owning a home and having a child does come with responsibility.
What I failed to realize was that this was the last nail in the coffin for one already disengaged. Brendan DID eventually find a job, one that pulled him to Boston.
I was thrilled. We got an apartment so he could stay there during the week. We shared traveling back and forth on weekends. We didn’t move too quickly because I wanted to be sure it would stick before I moved the whole family. Things were okay. I can’t say he was 100% in the family circle, but he had a job and was relatively engaged. He harbored some resentment for my calling him to task and causing us to move, but I could live with it. He DID need to participate, and unfortunately, marriage and kids and all of that is work. Hard work sometimes. But you fight for it because the benefits outweigh the struggles tenfold.
Then I found out I was pregnant. We put our house on the market and went about the process of selling it. While Brendan wasn’t totally interested in our weekends, I felt this storm was one we could get through. I knew, through everything he and I were going trough, we had trust and love for each other. I trusted him completely.
And holy shit, I really misread that one. Brendan's disinterest in our weekends turned into an enthusiastic interest to return to the apartment. I knew something was off. I went into his email and there they were, in plain view. Email after email, to and from the woman he was having an affair with. All 250 emails. It wasn’t like he was hiding them. It was almost like he wanted me to find them.
I think the air left the room.
