I say this from a completely outside view, as I haven’t been in a relationship in well, forever. But I met my best guy friend out for a drink the other night, and he and I talked at length about his current relationship, a two-year roller coaster ride that has been rocky for those two years, and one that has altered our friendship a bit.

B is my most darling friend in the world. I value his friendship to the core of my being. We have known each other for over 20 years. We have seen each other through many great times and many challenging times. He is a great man. He is communicative, he’s an involved parent, and he is evolved enough to recognize his failings. He’s got his baggage, as anyone in his or her mid-50s would, but he’s got it in check. He is my best friend, and really a soul mate.

He met this woman and fell pretty hard for her. When they are together, they have a wonderful relationship. They connect, they gel and all makes sense. They are on the same wavelength. But when they are not together, the shit kind of hits the fan in the weirdest way. Distance does not bring out her best qualities. Jealousy rears its head in the most unflattering way. She isn’t terribly confident in her alone self. And she REALLY doesn’t like to share.

And so as their relationship progressed, my communications with B were spaced further and further apart. I chalked it up to a new relationship. What I didn’t realize was that it was because she didn’t like our friendship. She couldn’t understand why on earth we were friends, nor could she understand why B had numerous friends who were women.

Seriously.

Throughout the two years, they have broken up a few times. Always over the same issue -- she wants more from him, while he struggles with the jealousy-based parameters she keeps assigning to the relationship.

And B is a good man. He is a loyal man, and he doesn’t want to be with anyone else. But by the same token, he is a man who has been single a long time. He has a life of his own, a life she can’t understand, and a life she doesn’t really seem to want to share.

But when you love someone, truly love someone, don’t you want what is best for them? Don’t you want their happiness? Don’t you want to share in that, not control it so it is only on your terms? And believe me I do get it. When you are in a relationship, there is give and take and compromise. And you hope in that compromise your partner will expose you to new things and change you for the better. Right? Well, in theory I guess.

But in this relationship, it seems very one-sided. And I know no relationship is perfect. And I know I was really hearing the issues that exist, not all the wonderful times that have driven them together. But as B and I drank wine and talked, two major issues came up, and these, I feel, are game changers.

Firstly, B loves to fly fish. And it’s not just a love; it really feeds his soul. He is the guy that I know will be hard to reach April –September. ALWAYS, every year. He’ll get up at 3am to fish and then head to work. It’s his yoga, his centering, and his passion. And last year, he barely went. Barely. Like twice. He barely went because his girlfriend didn’t like it. She didn’t like it because it took him away from her. Um, red flag?

The second flag was in regards to his ex-wife and her family. B actually has a really healthy relationship with his ex. It took them a long time to get there, but they are genuinely friends, and her family welcomes him into their home. They have always been kind to him. And this, in turn, has helped his children. It’s ideal actually. But she really doesn’t like that. She thinks it abnormal, rather than seeing it as a wonderful attribute to this man’s character. Um, red flag #2?!? Seriously. WTF.

And so now she wants them in couple’s therapy. Two years in. Aren’t the early years supposed to be the best? I get love is powerful. So is good sex. The two shouldn’t be confused. B and I talked that through a bit. He is going to lay the cards out on the table. He loves her, but he also realizes how stifling her issues are to their relationship. I’m glad he is putting a little backbone to it. Maybe good will come of it, and she’ll see she needs to find her inner confidence and meet his friends, and share in his life. Or not. Never having met her, I have no idea which way this could go.

But I do want B to be happy. And if ultimately it is with this woman, I support them 100%. I’d like to meet her and ultimately be her friend. If she is important to B, she’s important to me. But if it has to mean I lose my darling friend in the process, then so be it. I love him deeply and want his happiness, even if it is my loss.

And that, bitch, is true love.