has been dipping her toe in the possibility of “what’s next” for her. She met a man through church a few years ago and they became fast friends. I think there was an immediate attraction between the two, but fast forward to a few years later, and nothing further has developed between them.

There is good reason for this. She had some work she wanted to do on herself. She has really had to look at where her marriage went wrong, and she needed to be a bit brutal in staring those shortcomings in the face. It was the only way to get on stronger ground.

And his struggles are a bit different. He has never been married and is slightly immature in relationships from that perspective. While he has had a number of relationships, none resulted in any amount of great success. His relationships all developed (and failed) in the church, and he is a bit scarred by this.

So for them, with the passage of time, they have developed a great friendship which both value very much. But there’s this attraction between them that has never been addressed.

Interestingly, they’ve finally hit a crossroads that has forced them to really define their relationship. What are they exactly? Friends? More than friends? Friends with the possibility of becoming more? Oddly enough, up until this point, they have kept their friendship to themselves. They enjoy each other’s company, they care about each other, but they haven’t met each other’s family or extended friends. I’ve never met him, though I know all about him. Even the church where they are both very active does not know of this friendship. It’s odd. What’s the big secret?

And it finally struck my friend as odd too.

What is the big secret? Why are they hiding their friendship? Friends champion each other. Friends make you want to be the best person you can, and friends support each other. We proudly flaunt our friends. Because we have the ability to hand pick them, we want our friends to be reflective of ourselves, or the self we want to be. We don’t hide them.

So are they more than friends? Is this why all the secrecy?

Truth be told, I think if all was in line, she would want to be in a relationship with this man. But she cares about him enough to just be his friend if that is all that can be on the table. Regardless, they need to get this shit in line. It’s time to put everything on the table and figure it out together.

One of the things we talk about in a continual manner is that she now has the chance to get her relationships right this time around. It’s the silver lining of divorce; she can now take control of relationships in her life and make sure they work for her. In an ideal world, you don’t go through the pain of one of the most heart-wrenching life experiences to come out none the wiser. This is her chance to want better for herself, because she is worth it. She deserves it.

And she really does.