with my dog, and looking for a girl that likes sweatpants and ice cream as much as me. Oh, and she’s gotta be a health nut/fitness freak. That way we can both burn off those ice cream calories ... OR just make room for the next triple scoop cake batter sundae. #Slobbercity.

Looking for love in a digital world is easy. Emphasis on the ‘looking.’ Finding love is a whole different story. Unlike in real life, you can go through hundreds of potential dates in just seconds. A little left swipe here, a right swipe there. Oh wow, she’s got bikini pics on her profile … keeper.

Digital dating is just flat out weird. First, all you have to do is download the app. There’s probably an infinite number of them. The ones that I’ve heard of (so far) are Tinder, Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagel, J Swipe, Happn, OkCupid, and Grindr. Please understand that I don’t use all of these. That would be alarming and likely require me to quit my job.

The app names are worth poking fun at.

Tinder - It’s goin’ down. I’m yelling, screaming, crying “Tinder”! In my mind, this is the original digital dating mechanism.

Hinge - The date hinges on getting drunk enough to make questionable decisions.

Coffee Meets Bagel - I’m hopped up on caffeine and you’re all about that carb life ... Let’s elope.

J Swipe - Shalom! You’ve got a great tuchus.

Happn - E’s ar such a wast of tim. Lt’s do this asap.

OkCupid - Nothing says “date me” like a naked mythical god of desire and a passive two letter word of acceptance.

Grindr - Why does everyone hate the letter ‘e’?

So after you’ve downloaded one of these bad boys (or girls), it’s time to throw your hair down, Rapunzel. Get to swiping.

Rob Gronkowski shared his own Tinder success strategy with the producer of an ESPN radio show. “You got to write something crazy like … ‘hey do you work out? Because I’m ripped, I’m jacked’ and then send them a picture with your shirt off and they’ll be like ‘whoa, this guy’s serious, I like him.” Like everything else in this world, I’m sure it’s working quite well for Rob.

If you don’t happen to be an all-star football player, be prepared to pump up the awkward. I’ve gone on dates with girls that wear leotards to clubs and others that ask what we should name our kids before I order the first drink. Not to mention there’s always the distinct possibility that the person looks nothing like their profile pictures.

There’s something about finding a date on a smartphone that really just maxes out the crazy.

By reading Tall, Dark & Digital, you’ve swiped right on the fun, weird, and scary of digital dating. But who knows, maybe you’ll find someone who likes triple scoop cake batter sundaes and hashtags ‘slobbercity.’ See, it’s already awkward