“Just take it day-by-day,” friends say. The fuck does that even mean?
It seems every time I get myself into a serious relationship with an awesome guy, one of us jumps town to pursue our dream. The first time, guy moves to Florida to start his dream career of becoming a Marine Biologist. The second time, girl (me) moves to LA to pursue a sitcom-writing career.
Now “the dream” sounds romantic, right? Wrong. Well, maybe romantic in the fact that we’re young and making power moves. As “long distance” goes, it’s far from romantic. It’s just over. Despite what the Internet and blog forums tell you.
It’s a fantasy to think that while you’re off chasing dreams, you and your partner will continue to be there for one another. The reality? Heartbreak.
My first go around lasted a month. But the actual break up took about a year and a half. (Damn Snap Chat.) It was hell. The heart tells your brain it can work. But your gut knows it’s over, and you feel like you’ve been hit by a bus every other day from lack of sleep. Total woofness. I guess that’s what you get for trying to be “friends.”
Why do exes think it’s okay to send snaps? Uh hello? Just because it disappears doesn’t make it okay. It’s still “talking,” a means of communication. Hence the name, Snap “Chat.” I try not to respond. But sometimes I just do. Don’t ask me why. I don’t know why.
Currently, I’m in my second go-round right now. For identity sake, we’ll call this second guy, Fresh.
Fresh and I met about 7 months ago. From the get-go, he knew I was leaving to pursue my dreams in LA, but wanted to see where things went anyway. Am I grateful? Absolutely. He’s been my #1. My crutch. When things get tough, he’s there. Only one call away.
The catch? We agreed we wouldn’t do long distance. [SFX: Disk skip.]
Anyway, we plan to see each other in a few weeks when I come home. But after that, there’s no plan. No structure on where things will go. We’re young. I know. I get that. There’s no need to plan our futures. But my brain can’t handle it. Can’t wrap its synapses around the idea of mileage. How in order to see Fresh, I’ll have to purchase a $200+ plane ticket et al. So what does that mean for our friendship? Will my #1 fade into the rearview mirror? Clearly the last time I tried to “just be friends” it failed. Miserably.
Perhaps I’m not cut out for distance. Maybe I’m the culprit of the drama, as I tend to overthink and overanalyze, creating tension in my own head that doesn’t need to be there. Constantly thinking: does he feel this way too?
Distance is like a bad basketball game. One second you’re even. The next, you’re down 20 points going into the fourth trying to climb out of the hole you’ve created due to playing not to lose rather than playing to win. You’re nervous. Feel slightly defeated. Have this vision of making a comeback, but the reality is, it takes numbers, a team (*cough* you and your partner *cough*,) to make a solid comeback.
Now I’ll ask you again: do you like long distance? Does it work? Perhaps for some. Sure. For me? So far I’m 0-1. And it doesn’t look too promising that this second one will last when we both agreed we wouldn’t do long distance. Whomp whomp.
Maybe I should just stay single… More to come on that front. Well see if Fresh indeed has an expiration date. Signing off for now.