Singles Say

Shooting from the Hip Flask

What the Cluck?

  By | Saturday, 16 April 2016

When is a cock more like an asshole?...


My darling friend Gail has a small farm. One of her goats just had two babies, so of course the kids and I rushed over to see them. The goats are staying in this small barn with their mother, a barn the goats are currently sharing with about 16 chickens.

The chickens are relegated to the barn because there has been a fox in the yard. They are a bit skiddish because the fox was chasing them in the early hours of the day, and so Gail thought it best if they hide out in the barn for a few days. The barn is small and there are chickens and eggs everywhere. We found two eggs being warmed by a baby goat’s bottom.

Gail wasn’t home but mentioned that the rooster is still in the yard and that he shouldn’t be sent into the barn. OK, duly noted.

So the kids and I spend some time with the new babies and I realized their water bucket needed refilling. So I left the barn with the bucket, and am no sooner than two steps out the door when I practically trip on the rooster. At first I was confused. How did I not see him? I must have not been looking downward. Two steps later it happens again, and I realize that this fucking rooster is throwing himself at my feet in an angry way. He is dive-bombing me. He must have been pissed that I had access to his hens and he has been given the shaft. So now he starts running at me, black wings extended.

OMG. I am being chased around the yard by a cock and there is no adult in the vicinity with whom to share the sweet sweet irony of that statement. Hahaha! It’s like a bad cock-cock joke just waiting to happen. Seriously, if the sight of me being chased by a rooster isn’t funny enough, it’s the knowledge that there is this large cock running after me. Oh the jokes!!

So the bird got bored with me and decided there were better things to worry about in the yard. The kids and I said our goodbyes to the baby goats and the 16 chickens and made our way home. I called Gail to let her know that her rooster was dive-bombing me and she starts laughing. “Oh that cock is such an asshole! We were kind of hoping the fox would get him.” To make matters even funnier, the damn cock’s name is Satan. Satan is a total asshole cock.

It just couldn’t get any better.

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